yenlynneo

she was drowning but nobody saw her struggle

Life..

We all will have that one type of person we’ll encounter in our life: The friend that you have to please. Sometime we end up apologising even though it isn’t our fault in fear of losing that friend. I was afraid, what if I lose her? I didn’t want to lose a friend who is important to me. I grew up, thinking everyone around me was nice and I chose to look at one’s good side instead. I end up searching for reasons and excuses to why they disappointed me. I always blamed myself for everything that happened. I always felt faulty, not able to be useful in anything. I thought, I was always the only cause for everything and anything. Everybody will walk through that path filled with rocks and water. Its part of growing up and entering adulthood. We live our life not to please others. Yes, of course we do not want to disappoint them either. Neither is it wrong to please others. This is our life. Who are they to snatch our happiness? Who are they to treat as us their slaves 24 hours? Who are they to run our life? It’s not our fault or anyone else’s in whatever problems we faced. None of us would have expected any of these waves coming. Our fate is created by us. By the choices we choose to take and the path we decide to walk along to create a tomorrow. Do what you are comfortable with and not what you have to be comfortable with. Life is really short. Spent it wisely, don’t let it drain out like a leaking tap. You can decide what to do, no fear of making mistakes. Learn from them. Life is full of rainbows no matter how dark it seems. Stars shine in the dark, let them guide you to the sun the next day. To a brighter day ahead.

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Goodbyes..

You came to me by coincidence. And as we blankly stared at each other, you said goodbye. You only passed through in my dreams, but then you were in front of me. I waited for you, but all I had to say was goodbye. Always like a fool. Will I at least see you in my dreams? I close my eyes. I missed you. I hoped you will tell me just once things that are unbelievable. Where were you? Do you know my heart? Always like a fool, I stared up at the night sky wondering if you ever cared. But you just stared back at me wordlessly. You, I can’t see you, I can’t hear you, but I’m okay. Now I know that I don’t mean anything to you anymore. I will forget you well I will meet another guy I can see that. Don’t look back so that I can’t hold you, no way. I’m not that good person, no. Don’t think it too hard, no. Don’t try to be nice, no. I erased how I once loved you. We can’t be, no. Same words every time, I’m sick of them. We became distant as time passed by. I know well you’re this kind of guy. Try to look nice but always dirty behind me. I get rid of the photos and memories next morning, I will erase you this way. What am I to you anyway? An old toy? You’re so selfish. You do whatever you want. When we fight and patched up, you do it your own way. My thoughts aren’t that important to you. We still don’t know what’s love. You only know yourself. You don’t let me go out with my guy friends, but you go out playing around with my girl friends. You’re so busy taking care of your friends that you couldn’t be bothered about my feelings. Stop driving me crazy. Stop doing whatever you want.

Sacrifices..

Some things are worth our sacrifice, some don’t. Sometimes we have too many things to handle and balance on our plate that we tend to sacrifice important things, thinking it’s not worth keeping. Many things will ultimately happen in our lives, be it happy, sad or disappointment. We can never escape from any. Changing our mindsets from negative to positive ones is one of the ways we can handle our issues. If you’re not ready to sacrifice everything for that one person, don’t. Spread a little positive thought and it could make a whole big difference. It’s not worth dwelling on something that is completely over, let it all out and move on with time. This year was shaky and filled with regrets but when the sun rises up the next day, it’s a brand new day with no regrets, leave the worrying for another time XD

They said, if you love someone and it hurts them, let them go. But how is it so you’re able to let go of someone whom you loved? 

Sometimes, we think we truly love him because of all the hurt we get and the fact he’s gone. But in reality, we don’t actually love him as much as we think we actually do. We might not have expected him to make the sudden decision to just walk out of our lives before we do. It may seem as if it was love all this while, but it wasn’t to me.

I had a friend. She really liked him a lot. She always thought it was love. She did everything to make him feel happiness, even if it’s not being with her. She thought, as long as he’s happy, that’s all she asked for. At some time, she felt some form of attachment that made it tough to figure out if she wanted to be with him because she loved him or because she needed him around. He broke her, torn her, shred her. But she loved him. She said it was okay, she was better being without him. But have anyone seen how scary it can be behind one’s words and promises? Yes, truth is awful and harsh. But she would rather hear the truth than those pretty lies. She needed to end everything. She got exhausted with life, she didn’t know what else she could do with it. She wanted to avoid him, but she couldn’t. He’s always appearing. It wasn’t his fault, he didn’t know anything about her feelings. For all the times they’ve spent together, she couldn’t them all go in one shot. Love that is too painful isn’t love. If it hurts too much, let go. If the love you’re having for someone hurts them, let them go. If you love someone, you would want them to feel true freedom and happiness, and not a dark enclosure. I have no rights to judge what’s love. We all have different thinking and judgement, there’s no rights or wrongs.

Some nights I wonder.

How she could smile all day long but cry herself to sleep at night

How pictures never change but the people in them do

How her best friend could become her worst enemy or how her worst enemy became her best friend

How forever turns into a few short months that you would do almost anything to get back

How she can let go of something she said she once couldn’t live without

How even though she knew it was best for her but hurts at the very same time

How people wanted to spend every single second of their time with you, thinking a few minutes of their time is too much to spare

How people make promises despite how common it is for promises to be broken

How people could erase her from their lives just because it’s easier than working things out

 

And she have loved you once, with no regrets left behind with a smile.. :/